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[Mar. 6th, 2006|06:27 am] |
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It seems like mornings are the worst. It's the very first thing that hits me, and I have no distractions from it. I dread going to school because of it...I think I'd get over it much faster if it were the summer and I could be with friends whenever I wanted. But writing this isn't helping any, either. |
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[Mar. 4th, 2006|08:22 pm] |
This is totally what I'm feeling right now...
Senior year is a time for everyone to have as much fun as they can and salvage the last few months with their close friends, but this attitude makes people careless. Some people seem to be blinded by their devotion to their friends and unable to consider their relationships with other people outside of their clique and their relationships with themselves. I don't intend to criticize this attitude, nor do I claim that I'm entirely free of it. It's difficult to avoid if you only have a few months left with the people you've known best for your entire life. It's also an inherent characteristic for some people to cling to what makes them feel most comfortable and shut out everything else. I'm sure that everyone who reads this will eventually realize how this attitude can be harmful to other people. I'm guilty of it within my closest group of friends, but I try not to be careless about it. Some don't try at all, and that's what needs to change.
Whether you're dealing with your best friend or worst enemy, everyone's human. Everyone is capable of feeling the same emotions you do. Everything else is petty compared to this simple truth.
This is a comment I posted on Mitrani's most recent entry. It seems pertinent to me because I've been deeply affected by people with this attitude. Again, it's not something to criticize-it's something worthy of understanding. But I hope that people are able to grow out of it, for their own sake. |
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| If it's Wednesday night, it's Pasta Night |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|08:18 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Pat Metheny Group-Opening (from the Way Up) | ] |
OK, so I have to pass the last entry off as a lapse in rational thought. It may seem like I'm not content, but I'm really doing fine. The offer still stands though-if anyone would be willing to turn me on to some new experiences, I'd be more than ready to consider it.
By the way, I don't expect you to understand what this is about. It's something I'd rather not explain here, but if you're curious feel free to ask me about it. All that matters is that I need to start living a little more.
So today was pretty mundane aside from the several Feb 29/March 1 birthdays. Happy birthday Kelli Beard and Keith Chen (those are the only two I can remember right now, but I'm sure there were more. Also, I seriously doubt that Keith Chen will ever read this). In other news, I found out that Georgia Tech has a waterslide. I immediately regret not applying there. I was also reminded of my failure to keep up with poetry in Keck's class...I'm three or four logs behind and I haven't been taking the material very seriously. This is not a good thing, considering that Lit is one of the only classes I truly enjoy and benefit from. It seems like every school-related task that I don't care about (the number is astoundingly high) is casting a dark cloud over the classes and activities I enjoy the most. Is that normal for a senior? I would imagine it is.
I just took a shower to remove a large quantity of glitter from myself. I would like to caution everyone about glitter; this shit NEVER comes off. It's in my hair, on my neck, and dispersed throughout my torso. The shower didn't do much...I suppose being covered in glitter is like having a hangover-the only effective cure is time. I'd like to thank Lee Taylor for teaching me this important life lesson.
Lee, if you're reading this, your days are numbered. Punk.
After school, I used a ziptie (intended for Lee) to tie Leahey's bag to a chair in his office. It was really a brilliant execution. Al and Joey Vegas distracted him with the usual bullshit while I did the deed. Once it was done, we informed Leahey that he had gotten pwned and left the room proud and victorious soldiers.
Then, I sat through what was quite possibly the most boring debate meeting ever. Granted, I didn't do any prior research whatsoever. I've got to work on that. I think I could be interested in almost everything we debate if I put more effort into researching and getting involved. But the meeting was still painful to sit through. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of Wednesday Night Pasta.
Wednesday Night Pasta was glorious, of course. Not that we actually get pasta every time. It started out that way, but we've been known to turn down the Croc Inn's extremely frugal all-you-can-eat pasta offer for other options every now and then. Tonight we hit the gelato cafe and had some killer panini, not to mention some exquisite gelato. Those Italians really put Edy's to shame.
Goodnight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|06:46 pm] |
The last time I updated this was October 17, 2005. It is now February 28, 2006. So it goes.
Yeah, I know. I'm not Vonnegut, but who is?
Last night I attended my second cousin's Bar Mitzvah. I'm not exactly sure why this event took place on a Monday night, so don't ask me. Obviously, I had never met the Bar Mitzvah boy before-I can't hope to meet everyone in my mom's exclusive family of 900 or so Moroccan Jews.
For the most part, these people are part of a closely knit circle. Their jobs, marriages and mental capacity generally remain within the limits that the circle has established. There is love inside this circle, but the only love these people have are for the other members of the circle. They claim to love me, but it's nothing more than that familial sort of love that says "I'll be upset if you die, elated if you become a millionare, and indifferent about everything else." I couldn't really ask for more.
These people may not be "intelligent" in the typical sense, but they know more about each other than anything else in the world. If one steps forward, the other steps back. They know each other's moves so well. They relate. They share the same thought patterns, experiences, tastes, relatives and religion. They're normal people, really. You couldn't pick them out on the street unless you talked to them. Then you might start to feel the love that I feel. It's love for the sake of love and love's benefits. It's the warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you're surrounded by people who have reason to celebrate and include you in the festivities. You could be the life of the party if you wanted to, and that might change your perception of them. But don't get sucked in; they'll leave you behind while they chase their own tails. My description doesn't do them justice. I can't relate. I don't expect you to either.
That was full of holes. How far am I willing to take the irony?
Look, none of that is important. What's important is that I'm going to be left behind, and that can't happen. Not to me. I guess this is my way of saying that I need to experience real emotion and know I'm experiencing it. I'm going to stop here and get a little less funky. Not everything has to be an attempt at profundity in order to be good.
I wish I would have been a little more outgoing during the Bar Mitzvah. Though my mom's family is utterly ridiculous, they are fun people that know how to have a good time. The least I could have done was strike up a conversation with someone who seemed interesting. I didn't really make an effort, though. Maybe it's just that I'd feel awkward being outgoing with my parents there. My mom would tell everyone else that I was having a good time, and my dad probably wouldn't care but I feel like he would. I do want to have a good time; I want to be able to dance and make a moron out of myself with good people that I hardly know. It's not like I have anything to lose.
I know that it all comes down to a lack of experience. I need to experience everything I can before I feel ready to settle down. But it seems like I've been let loose and I'm still not able to go anywhere. If you (the reader) would be willing to do something with me that we've never experienced together, let me know. Really, anything at all. I just want the instantaneous experience...I don't care for the lasting effects. Don't get me wrong, though; I'll take either one. |
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| MY NAME IS VICTA! |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|08:52 pm] |
So this update is long overdue, mainly because of the spectacle I witnessed on Thursday night.
Holy shit. Victor Wooten and crew are UNBELIEVABLE. This concert was at least five times better than anything I've ever seen, and that includes Pat Metheny. They played non-stop for THREE hours, and continually demonstrated their mastery of every genre known to man. Victa played solo for close to 45 minutes, and I can honestly say that he makes his bass sound more like a piano than I make my piano sound. The guitarist, Regi Wooten, went nuts during the solo in "Higher Law" and segwayed into "Kashmir" followed by Hendrix's "Fire." He ripped through all of these tunes with lightning-fast speed and incredible precision; even Buddha was blown away to the point of seriously considering disposing of every guitar he owns. The stuff from the new album was great too; extended solo sections were thrown into almost every song and allowed the audience to see how talented each musician in the band really was. What amazes me most about Victa and his band is the sheer musicianship they display; aside from the technical mastery, the Wooten clan offers an extremely unique brand of music that mixes rock, soul and jazz with a predominantly funk base (and bass). On top of that, they’re all really down to earth guys, both literately and figuratively. Victa’s philosophy has a heavy emphasis on nature and inner-peace and almost resembles some Buddhist beliefs. The guys had no problem mingling with the fans, and they seem to put their love of music and the importance of its distribution before their love of money. The tickets to this particular show only cost around $30—a bargain considering all the ridiculous shit I was able to experience.
Anyway, if you have never heard of Victor Wooten, get to the nearest record store and pick up a copy of “Soul Circus.” YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE FUNK.
Yeah, I really can’t do these guys justice with words. Just pick up some of their music.
So this college thing is still getting me down. For the past few days, I’ve approached math and physics with renewed vigor; now it’s starting to suck again. Right now, I’d like nothing better than to devote my life to music and shut out everything that isn’t artsy or abstract or open to interpretation. I used to like math because it was concrete and wasn’t up for debate; now I’m starting to realize that the only way I’m truly going to make any sort of significant impact on anything is to pursue a field in which being innovative is the key to success.
See, you can learn all the math stuff. Sure, it’s a bitch, but anyone can absorb information as long as it doesn’t have to be challenged. I’m not suggesting that math is easy; anyone with a decent memory can engrain formulas into their heads, but only those with the most thorough understanding and advanced minds can make important innovations in the field. I’m pretty confident that I don’t fit into the latter category right now. I’m good at math but I’m not great; there’s always going to be someone who’s better, which doesn’t bother me, but it’s reason enough to focus on an area that I’m probably more talented in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that if I can’t be the best, it isn’t worth it. I’m just saying that there’s no use in killing myself with problem sets, midterms and finals for four years when there’s very little chance that I’ll be able to take all of the knowledge and put it to use in new and exciting ways. The obvious response to this is “well, not everyone has to be an innovator; there’s no shame in furthering the benefits of someone else’s innovation instead of being an innovator yourself.” I couldn’t agree more, but I’m just not that type of person. I feel this bizarre obligation to do something ground-breaking, and I just don’t think that sort of opportunity awaits me in a math-related field. It’s a lot easier to create in other areas…areas that aren’t pure fact but are open to interpretation and very much up for debate. I used to dislike the uncertainty that characterized these sorts of fields, but I’m starting to realize that this very uncertainty is what I’m all about. If you think I’m nuts, please challenge me. There could be an infinite number of holes in my impression of myself, as I’m really not sure how to figure out exactly what I want. But I know there’s a reason for my strange tendency to look at pictures of musicians I like for hours at a time. I want that lifestyle, but I also want to be realistic. I’m a one in a million shot to become the musician I really want to become.
I have to end the college rant before I get carried away. It might look like I’m scared to death, but that’s far from the truth. I’m confident in myself enough to know that I’ll be content in the long run. I just don’t want to miss valuable opportunities. I’m actually feeling fine right now, and I have no intention of making this entry somber.
On a different note, thanks to everyone who came out to AmnesTEA. The whole afternoon was a lot of fun and the performances were great.
Ahh, I should get to work. There aren’t enough hours in the day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|12:01 am] |
I'm not really sure why I haven't actually written anything in this journal yet. I've had it for a few months, and I've told myself many times to start writing. Maybe I've been too busy, or maybe I'm just too lazy. Either way, I'm going to try to keep this up through senior year and beyond.
Things are decent right now. School has been better, but that's mainly because of physics. I've come to realize that taking the course was a pretty big mistake, and I would have been much better off taking AGS or some other course not specifically designed for potential engineers. The work load is pretty absurd, the material itself is not easy to master, and it's difficult to succeed in the course without being genuinely interested in physics. I enjoy physics, but not to the point that this class requires.
Anyway, I was mulling all of this over at Nassau Sushi and Bagels tonight, and I'm beginning to think that being a math major isn't exactly the best option for me. I'm just speculating here, but by the second or third year of college level math courses, I would imagine that being a math major and being a physics major become pretty similar. I'm not sure how I'll be able to survive one year of college level physics; how could I survive four?
Now, up to this point, I had the next eight to ten years of my life figured out. I'd go to a college with a respectable math department and a solid base in music, major in math and dabble in music, and then decide whether or not I wanted to go to grad school for math or music after my first four years were up. Now that the prospect of being a math major is fairly sickening to me, I'm really not sure what I want to do. Part of me wants to go to Berklee or some comparable school and focus on nothing but music. I've been so turned off to everything else. On the other hand, I have no desire to become completely detached from everything that is not music. While I'd love to become a professional musician, should I really abandon all of my other interests? I'm better at music than I am at anything else, but I'm still not great. I basically have no clue about my future right now.
That being said, I'm grossly exaggerating/overreacting.
The right move is probably to apply to a variety of schools, take a variety of courses, and decide what path is best for me. I can't see myself being that interested in anything I've done in high school so far aside from easy math and guitar playing, but college is full of surprises (or so they say). As lame as this sounds, I want to do something that can really help people out; music can make someone feel better, but would I really be contributing as much as I could be if I were to become a professional musician? To be honest, right now I'm really interested in figuring out exactly how the human brain works and investigating stuff like Descarte's theory about physical "reality" not actually existing. Then again, this could change in a matter of days.
Figuring out how I could make the best use of myself has always been a challenge. It's obviously something most people aren't supposed to figure out, but I'd at least like to have some idea. Maybe I'm reading into this whole college bit too much, and should be concerned with enjoying myself before anything else. I could use some advice from people with experience, so if you're qualified and willing, please impart some words of wisdom unto me. Thx.
Aside from that ugly business, I had a fun weekend. I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on Friday, and I highly recommend it. You’ll get teary-eyed by the end, but the experience will be well worth it. I’ve always thought that Jim Carrey does a good job with his serious roles, although the Cable Guy was a big flop (I’m not even sure if you could call that a serious role). I also went to the Stress Factory for the first time, and I regretted not making prior trips to the place about five minutes into the show. It’s a great opportunity to relax and laugh a lot, and being in the company of a couple hundred other people who feel the same way really contributes to the atmosphere. Today I hung out with Kelli for a few hours, and I took her by Montgomery U (otherwise known as Montgomery High School) and the Skillman asylum. I love being in that area; being in the vicinity of the asylum is always somewhat chilling and gawking at Montgomery U is rarely disappointing. I’m glad I’ve taken up Weird NJing as of late; it’s a creepy and cost-free way to escape the monotony of Hillsborough and see other towns. If you ever want to accompany me on a trip, let me know.
This week should be relatively suicide-inducing. Physics homework/test and My Antonia reading/paper for lit. Hopefully I’ll have it all done by Thursday, I don’t want anything bogging me down when I go see VICTA!
Yeah, that’s right. Terry, my father and I are going to see Victor Wooten at some obscure nightclub in Connecticut. Be jealous pls.
And I can’t forget to do some plugging. On Saturday, October 15, Amnesty International will be hosting AmnesTEA, a coffeehouse-ish event with some stellar performers (including yours truly, who will be doing that thing with his vocal chords). The venue is Orpha’s coffeehouse in Montgomery (right across the street from the movie theater), and it will be held from 2-5 pm. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t come out and see it, I can guarantee some great acoustic music in addition to some hot, Brazilian jazz from the musical chops of Terry Bretz-Sullivan, Justin Bulava, Michael Stein and myself.
Goodnight. |
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